The Naked Guy at the Gym

It’s just a simple workout; the kind that I do every day
Why do I have this sense of impending doom?
A dull feeling in my gut of unyielding dread and deep dismay
As I prepare to enter the locker room
‘Cause I know just what’s waiting there
A guy with too much body hair
And a sharp propensity for displaying all of it

He’s still here; he’s still naked
I’d offer him a towel but I don’t think that he’d take it
Modesty doesn’t mean a thing to him
The naked guy at my gym

I got here at 12:15; that’s when I saw him standing there
Applying Speed Stick to his underarm
I changed into my sweatpants while he casually toweled off his hair
It didn’t seem like he would do me any harm
Then I went out to use the treadmill
But time came to a virtual standstill
And I returned to a ghastly sense of dèja vu

CHORUS

Now I’ve got nothing against the human body
Nudity is not a thing to be feared
But hanging out naked in the locker room
For two or three hours is a little bit weird

I don’t want to broach the subject; I don’t want to get into a fight
Anyway, I’m not real sure just what I’d say
But he’s probably been here all day, and he’ll probably be here all damn night
Until the gym folks tell him he has to go away
I hope he covers up his hide
Because it’s ten degrees outside
And after all, tomorrow is another day

CHORUS

The unnecessarily naked guy at my gym